"Don't move in mysterious ways. Use a blinker." -Dallas Tollway Marquee

“Ain’t nothin’ like a clogged aura.” -Veronica

"I'm beating a dead butterfly." - Emily #overheardatwork

“It’s very nerve-racking to trust all these guidos with such an important moment in my life.” -The Situation #JerseyShore

"There are a lot of butts in these dials." -Revere

"Babeenwa-KAYAYAya-wheeee-NA.. Yea tweet THAT quote." -Dustin

“Look At bucket-face Stanley!” -Chris #horseproblems

“I’m gunna go into the danger pee room.” -Whitney #divebarproblems

“You were holding that like Cruela Deville holds a cigarette.. like, “I’m really trying...” -Sis, about Mom #glutenfree #holdingasoftpretzel

“You’re not adding Splenda to a Hurricane, that’s where I draw the line.” -Sis

“They’re like the pretentious sopapilla.” - Brandon #beignets

“Don’t be sorry, be better.” -Brandon

"Sometimes, when you've gotten cut open 4 times..." -Dustin

"Who wants to be my daddy?!" -Dustin

"Izzy you makin' me dizzy!" -Dusty

"Anyone want to see a dead gecko?" -Emily #overheardatwork

“She will play fetch until she literally dies.” -Sis #bordercollie #labradorretriever #goliedown

“Pain and leaking are never normal.” -Michele the PT

“When people ask about you I say you’re like the girl from Brave but smaller.” -Sis

“Where’s my chapstick? I’ve gotta moisturize my dry, shriveled-up body.” -Mom